Italian Men Get Smarter With Age
Two weeks ago I set out on a one-day road trip to the Amalfi Coast to join my Mediterranean cruisin’ cousin and her friends.
The day started out slowly, with a flood in the southern Calabrian city of Reggio Calabria delaying trains by at least two hours. Determined … I waited. And waited. And waited. And then I went on.
I hopped on a bus in Salerno for a 50 minute bus ride up the scenic Amalfi Coast to the namesake town of Amalfi.
And that is where my story begins …
photo credit: designatednaphour
As I boarded the bus I saw an elderly man - knocking on 75, I’d say - shuffling his way towards the bus stop. I had seen him earlier on the train from Calabria and we acknowledged each other and went on our way.
He joined me on the bus and asked if he could sit with me. “Sure,” I said, thinking this man, with his wealth of knowledge of Italy’s most beautiful coastline would help me pass the time with stories of the area.
A whopping two minutes after the bus departs, I feel a hand on my knee.
Hmmm …
I brush it off and think it must have been an accident.
Plop.
There it is again.
I rearrange my bags and lean a little closer to the window. At least it was a nice view.
photo credit: Darren Donahue
He leans in, “I just want to spend a little time with you,” he whispers. “Where are you going?”
I tell him my travel plans and end with a remorseful, “So, no. I can’t spend the day with you.”
“I have a house here,” he insists. “You can stay with me and I’ll drive you back to Calabria tomorrow.”
Wondering if this man is joking, if he has lost his mind, or if I seriously have “I’m a tramp” stamped on my forehead, I politely, yet somewhat more forcefully than last time tell him “No, thanks.”
The entire time this conversation is going on, his wiggly fingers are trying to pry themselves beneath the bags I had firmly stationed between us.
Wiggle … wiggle … I felt a fingertip.
Just then his phone rang and I seized the opportunity to build a wall between us with my book and bags of Calabrian products I was taking to my cousin. I was careful to keep my purse on the other side - lest all this feeling-up was just a ruse to get my wallet.
He hung up with his wife - Porco! - and started right back in on the finger crawl.
“I’m never gonna win,” I thought to myself. “He’s had 70 years of practice working on women … I’ve only had two!”
Finally. After 50 minutes of pushing him off of me, we arrived at his stop. He tried once more, “We are getting off at the next stop,” he said.
“We?” I ask suspiciously.
“Well, I am. I hope you will get off with me.”
“No,” I tell him, without smiling.
“Do you need anything?” He insists. “Do you need money?”
Gah!
Without even trying to convince this old goat that I am not an American prostitute working the costiera, I tell him no and send him on his way.
So, can someone please tell me what I am doing wrong? What is it about me that screams - take advantage of me? - to aging Italian men? Has this ever happened to you? How did you or would you handle a situation like this?
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18 responses to “Italian Men Get Smarter With Age”
November 17th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Wow, I have no words for you! Partly because I can’t stop giggling, but also because, well, yuck! Is this what is left? Being hit on by 70 year old men? I think I’d rather be ignored.
Ha ha… laugh at my expense. It is ok. It is ok!
joanne at frutto della passione’s last blog post..Eurochocolate revisited
November 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
LOL, unfortunately sounds very typical (in my opinion)…it’s not you, it’s the Italian men! Once I was walking on the bridge (in CZ) to the center and this really old guy (70-ish) like literally followed me the entire time with his car, stopping traffic insisting I take a ride from him, for like 20 minutes, continuing to roll the car as I walked as I politely obliged. And then just when I thought he had driven off, he showed up on a side street…just gross and creepy…even more cuz they’re just SO old! I just get away as soon as possible in situations like that…I guess I would have just left my seat on the bus (if that was an option for you).
I probably should have left my seat, but he was on the outside and the bus was pretty full. I’m such a chicken!
November 17th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
yecccccccccccch. I think it’s just because you’re so dang cute. If you were plain and normal he wouldn’t bother. Sometimes I remember the gifts of being more ‘plain and normal’!!
: )
Seriously, that stinks, glad he finally left the bus, leaving you in peace. Yech, again. How is he not embarrassed by himself?!!?!
I know, right? I can’t IMAGINE those moves have worked before … I don’t get it.
November 17th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
How awful for you. I hope it didn’t ruin your day!
No, it didn’t ruin my day, at all. I did take out a journal and start writing about what he was doing … he asked me if he could read it! LOL Boy oh, boy!!
Scintilla’s last blog post..Phantom Neighbours.
November 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Yuck! Double yuck!!
Don’t know what I would have done- or done differently.
Oh, I know. Bring P with you from now on
Bring P. Bring P. GOT IT!
My Melange’s last blog post..A Fall Stroll in Old Quebec City
November 17th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Gee, that Italian Viagra must be pretty potent;)
Even though it must have been terribly awkward for you, I couldn’t help laughing out loud at your story. Too funny!
Since I grew up in a big city, I don’t usually make eye contact with strangers so Gramps probably wouldn’t have even tried to sit near me. If he did try any funny stuff, I probably would have gotten up or told him to stop touching me. Then if he insisted I would have smashed a jar of nduja over his head
Oh that is lol funny. I’ll have to try that next time. Oh no. I’ll probably get arrested for that!!
Milanese Masala’s last blog post..Will change come to Italy, too?
November 17th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
While not surprising at all things like this just gross me out. I would have gotten up and moved…but then again he probably would not have bothered with me because as people tell me I come off as “aloof” and that turns people off. Thank goodness!!!
I should have moved, Paola … you are right!!
Paola’s last blog post..Rock a bye
November 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Haha,poor you!! sadly this story does not surprise me at all! I was on a bus in Sorrento and a middle aged man bumped into me..I was expecting a “scusa”, but what I got was a full blown kiss on the lips, then a mumbled “scusa” afterwards.
Oh, good God. That is horrible!! EEK!
Anait’s last blog post..La Normalita
November 17th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Cherrye,
U still got it girl!!!!! how did you manage to be so polite.
You should have used some of your nasty words….
I’m just a nice gal, Jen. What can I say? ha
November 17th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Sorry, I had to laugh, too. Now the question is: would it have been any different if he were a young, hot guy? Don’t answer that! Seriously, I’ve had similar experiences in France. Age no barrier. Maybe these men think American women are lucky for them? You have a right to say, “Leave me alone.” Loud. Or to be nicer: “Leave me alone. I’m on my way to meet my husband.” Another man they can understand.
Ha ha. No, I don’t think it would be different if he had been a cutie. It might have been even scarier if he had been younger. At least I could have outrun this guy!
November 17th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Sometimes, whatever you say, men like that will just not understand that you have zero interest in them. And, sadly, until you extract yourself from the situation (change cars on a train, hop off a bus etc) they won’t get it. That said, I find it useful in a situation like that to basically inject your husband into every sentence. Like when he asked you to spend the day with him, the answer could be “my husband wouldn’t appreciate that” or (even if it’s not true since you were meeting your cousins) say something like your husband was joining you later.
I actually did say “I don’t think my husband would like that.” Know what he said?? “Well, he wouldn’t. But would you??” GAH!!!
City Girl’s last blog post..Cupcake Sunday
November 17th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
I agree with Jean — it is completely ok to ask to be left alone.
Now I just have to figure out how to say that - in a non-polite way - in Italian!
City Girl’s last blog post..Cupcake Sunday
November 18th, 2008 at 3:37 am
My experience is that strong words are needed to get guys like this to go away. It seems being polite spurs them on.
I agree. I was polite and was obviously sending those “leave me alone” signals!
November 18th, 2008 at 4:48 am
I don’t understand why they like to humiliate themselves by acting that way. They keep trying hoping that the woman will change her mind.
Really, they’re harmless, but, molto maleducati. Next time you travel alone make no eye contact and don’t smile.
A price you have to pay for being such a bella ragazza.
See… I always forget that no eye contact thing…
November 18th, 2008 at 10:30 am
make no eye contact.
If someone is harmless but annoying I would tell them no thank you in a polite way. He might be 70 but Gramps clearly thinks he still has it going on.
Unfortunately American women do have a rep for being easy, not just in Italy. If you only heard what Caribbean men say about us.
Sometimes you will have to be a little more forceful so these men will understand you are not going to go to bed with them. Once someone starts invading my space that is not cool and I would let them know with strong language.
If Gattuso had tried to pick me up on the bus, of course that is a different story. ha.
Ah yes … Gattuso I could have handled. LOL
nyc/carribbean ragazza’s last blog post..Get your parks on, part II – Doria Pamphili
November 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
How outrageous (responding to your comment to my comment)! Usually men back off when you mention a husband, but clearly this one was worse than usual. It sounds like you hate not beign polite, but this really seems like a situation where some not polite firmness was appropriate. And I agree with nyc/carribeean ragazza — sometimes you just have to be more forceful - and frankly, any invasion of my personal space and i have no problem being very forceful about it. Flirting, I try to deflect semi-politely, but actual touching, I complain and complain until they leave me alone. One time this happened, someone else on the train who witnessed me getting my stuff and moving because of being intruded one was like “why are you making such a big deal, he’s just flirting with you” and I turned to him and said “you want your sister or mother treated like this?” [he didn't have a wedding ring on] - next thing I knew he was shaming the guy who had bothered me and I made a hasty exit. LOLZ.
It is great you left the cabin in the train. I am kicking myself for being “so nice” and not getting up. I’d have been better off standing!
City Girl’s last blog post..Beauty Monday
November 18th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Btw, I mean his comment to you is outrageous, NOT that your comment was outrageous. I really need to be more awake today
Ha! It is all good. I got it…
City Girl’s last blog post..Beauty Monday
November 18th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Gross, poor you, that happens to me too. I have had to become way less polite since living in italy!
I’ve become v impatient and what I do now when men start that kind of behaviour i pretend i can’t speak italian. Or speak really bad pidgin so they can’t carry on the conversation. I also was watching an (italian) tv programme and a couple of women were being harassed by some men. They seemed to take it all in their stride and told the men they were policewomen going to a police conference and they backed off straight away. ha ha was v funny. Someone else I know said the first phrase she learnt in italian was ‘leave me alone’. Kinda sad really….
Once while on my bike (bicycle) there was a man on a scooter following me. So i stopped, stared him in the eye and looked him up and down like he had been doing to me (he was old and gross looking), then got out my mobile phone and pretended like I was calling the cops. Yeah, he got outta there!
Good luck in the future coz i don’t think the old pervs will stop trying….
Ha! I love those ideas. You think they will believe I’m a cop on my way to a conference?!?
Whatcha thinking?